Saturday, July 15, 2006
Current mood: awake
i'm leaving tomorrow
which is really today
thanKs to this touch of insomnia that's consuming me
two weeKs away from home minus a day is a lot
and i don't Know why i'm complaining.
maybe it's due to the fact that my parents aren't here as i leave??
weird
i've thought time and time again about deleting this whole myspace thing
i mean, really
i can't sleep so i get on here
and pour heart and soul out
over a Keyboard
to people who probably could care less about me
and the people i want to care don't
and that's just a little f'ed up.
i mean, really?
why can't he see how much he has confused me?
i've always come this close to telling him
then something inside is always liKe
remember the fun you guys have as just friends
do you really wanna go and screw that up?
of course, i wouldn't expect anyone to understand what i'm saying
you can never fully understand someone
even if that person is yourself
and it maKes me wonder
when i die, what will people thinK of me?
cause they sure as hell aren't gonna thinK what i thinK of me
i just wish i had someone to talK to
but no one seems to understand
so i'm just going on and on in a blog
hoping someone will stumble upon it and give me some
worth while advice other than
you're a great person shit
whatever
half the stuff i've done even i'm not proud of
how can you be proud of it?
it's two years before i leave for college
and already my friends are splitting up
molly's in thailand
monica's moving (maybe, more than liKely) to dutch forK
maybe i should act liKe this is college
and start off completely new this year
maybe form to some other stereotype that people always
use now a days to explain why people act differently
than they do.
once again,
whatever.
and if you are gonna comment this with some
f'ed up stuff about me being a great person or whatever
you're wasting your time
i already Know i'm not
in my opinion anyway
and right now, that's the only person i'm listening to.
_-Kat-_
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comment posted on july 15, 2006 at 1:50AM
ReplyDeleteso.....
friends are friends no matter the distance if they are true they will keep in touch
everything happens for a reason we may not understand or like it but in the long run we will look back on everything and be like wow it all happened for a reason
but i guess some things do reamain a mystery and we never really figure out why it happened
i too deleted my myspace
but of course HAD to get another one i know how ya feel
and the guy
well for many years (3) ugh i sucked with guys and debated the same way you did and almost every time when i never told the guy he was like yeah i liked you but didn't think you liked me and i was always left with regret and you should probably tell this guy how you feel before its to late i mean you never know how he might feel and if he is your true friend and he doesnt have the same feelings for you he should still have a friendship with you
well we aren't really that close but i felt like maybe you'd care if i told you my thoughts
much love
god bless
amanda
comment posted on august 1, 2006 at 10:54PM
ReplyDeleteYou can feed me the BS about you not being a great person all you want, You can tell me that you dont think that you are a great person. Its all BS and deep down you know it. So I'm gonna tell you this even if you roll your eyes and pretend that I'm just feeding you a line b/c you know thats not my thing or my style... I speak the truth. So hear it goes and you take this to heart.
You are an amazing, wonderful, smart, beautiful, funny, crazy, all around great person. Yes there are things that you've done that you regret... heck Kat, we're teenagers! We all look back on things and wince at them. The important thing is that you learn from your mistakes. Otherwise all you are going to do your intire life is look back on what you have done and instead of saying "Hey! That was a great moment. I'll never forget it. I have a great life." you are going to be saying "What in the world? I'm a horrible person." And you know what? Your not a horrible person. Your one of the most amazing people I've ever met. You dont have to pour your thoughts out over the internet. You have your friends you can talk to. And if you dont feel like you can talk to your friends about something then you always AWLAYS have someone to turn to, He'll never let you down b/c He loves you more than you could possibly imagine. You know what I'm talking about, talk to God Kat. If I cant get through to you then maybe He can... I know He can b/c Hes God.
As for the mystery boy whoever he may be, take a chance. Let him know if you have feelings for him. Whats the worst that could happen? Dont feed me this "He'll stop being my friend" b/c if he does then hes not the guy you thought he was anyway now is he? Tell him that you dont want to make things weird but you need to tell him how you feel. You can do it. Dont you tell me that you cant do it and that you dont have the courage b/c that is the biggest piece of crap that anyone could tell me. You feel off a rope bridge 10 feet in the air and landed on 3 rocks and then in the creek, you never complained and keep going no matter how bad it hurt. That takes strength and courage. So you cant tell me that you dont have it in you to tell a boy something.
I'm always here Kat. You are amazing no matter what you tell yourself. Dont stop believeing in yourself. Never no matter what. Live your life to the fullest. Try things, have fun. Just dont do stupid things that make you feel ashamed. Be crazy in the great way. You are only given one life Kat. Make the most out of it and be happy. James 4:14 read it. I'm always here. Don't give up on yourself.
love you. always,
-Sarah Ann